The Andaz Hotel, West Hollywood, CA - http://westhollywood.hyatt.com/hyatt/hotels/index.jsp

Join Vanessa Torres, head of Single Women Rule Los Angeles for our August event at the beautiful Andaz Hotel in West Hollywood, CA.

Date:            Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Time:            6:00 PM - 9:00 PM PST
Location:      The Andaz Hotel
Street:          8401 Sunset Blvd.
City/Town:   West Hollywood, CA

Email: vanessa (at) singlewomenrule.com for more information and to RSVP! 

Join us on Tuesday, August 25 for drinks and appetizers at the RH Lounge at the Andaz Hotel in West Hollywood.

A friend and supporter of SWR, the Andaz is offering us complimentary appetizers during happy hour (until 7pm).

Once again, new members are welcome, so feel free to bring a friend. I look forward to seeing all of you!

Here’s an excerpt from a post on SWR LA’s Founder Vanessa Torres, from her blog, ThatHappenedtoMe.com

I wanted to share Living Life’s most recent blog post with you guys.  I always appreciate the raw honesty she shows in her blog, discussing her post-divorce life as a single woman just trying to do her thang. This week’s entry is no exception as she examines why we let certain people treat us badly (read: men) when, intellectually, we totally know better.  If you’ve been hurt once (or twice, or three times) how do you proceed in life, maintaining your faith in people without leaving yourself vulnerable to disaster and heartbreak?  It’s a good question.  I think it’s a very delicate dance we must perform, being open and willing to explore new relationships, but at the same time not forgetting who we are and what our value is.  Remember that as women, we have the option of saying, “no,” and we have to exercise that right, even when it’s uncomfortable or awkward.  Make “No” a phrase your comfortable with and use it when your gut tells you to . . .

Read the full post here!

This post appeared on SWR LA Founder Vanessa Torres' blog, Thathappenedtome.com

Wow.  What a week it turned out to be.

Last week started out as a run-of-the-mill busy week of professional obligations for me, but turned into a bizarre series of news “events,” stories of death, divorce and revolution.  At first, I felt merely like a witness to a string of unrelated events, but then I noticed a theme emerging, rather more than one, that struck me as particularly poignant.

Iran, upside down with political unrest, had citizen protesters gunned down indiscriminately by unnamed “security forces” after a questionable election process.  Emerging from the otherwise sad story of yet another oppressive dictatorship, was the story of the Women of Iran, for the first time being recognized as a powerful group of resilient members of that society, no longer willing to let their husbands and sons die in silence.  Suffering for years at the hands of their own government, they are refusing to be shuffled off quietly now, despite horrific political and religious constraints.  The murder of Neda Agha-Soltani at the hands of her own government has resonated with the world, who is treating the 26 year old student as a martyr, even dubbing her a modern day Joan of Arc.  CNN has aired several interviews with other women in and around the area of Tehran begging for global assistance as they fight for what we consider basic human and civil rights.

On a completely different note, came the Monday announcement that celebreality couple Jon & Kate Gosselin have officially filed for divorce.  Not exactly a surprise to anyone who owns a television set, but it still felt like the final nail in the coffin after the slow death of what was once an ordinary marriage between a young and promising couple.

Kate Gosselin issued this statement: “Over the course of this weekend, Jon’s activities have left me no choice but to file legal procedures in order to protect myself and our children.”  Her husband Jon remained characteristically mum, glibly commenting that he’s sorry if his actions have hurt his family, but that he remains dedicated to the health, happiness and well-being of his children. Read more »

SWR Los Angeles founder Vanessa Torres launched her event series in June.  Here’s her post on the first Single Women Rule LA event, from her blog ThatHappenedtome.com

As you guys know, I am the LA Chapter president of SingleWomenRule.com.  What that means exactly, is that I host events for single women professionals in the area.  Tuesday was our launch event and I could not be happier with the way things went.  I invited a bunch of women who I had “met” previously through various channels - some at networking events, and some online - and invited them out to meet, share ideas and generally commiserate about what it’s like to be a working women in this town.  We not only found we had lots in common, but we were psyched to discover we all had complimentary interests and resources despite diverse professional backgrounds.  But most importantly, we were all willing to share our ideas and information.  Exactly the kind of environment I was hoping to create. 

After about 2 1/2 hours, the restaurant wanted to close, so we packed it up and promised to do it again next month.  I am so excited that I am already planning it.  So to those of you who came - thank you for driving out and making room in your busy schedules - and for those of you who couldn’t make it, we will see you next time.  There’s always room at the table at Single Women Rule.

Healthily embracing a loss is fertile ground for new life.

Single Women Rule Los Angeles founder Vanessa Torres, shared these recent insights on her blog, Thathappenedtome.com.  She talks about Lisa Rankin, who’s created a program for widows to help them move through their loss.    Here’s are a few pieces of Vanessa’s post. 

I’m pretty sure I found Owning Pink via Twitter (yet another testimonial to the social networking behemoth).  I am always on the lookout for other women who I think are doing admirable things in their life and work and I get especially excited when I see someone combining the two for maximum results. 

Lissa Rankin of OwningPink.com just hosted a workshop entitled “Owning Joy After Loss,”  a program created for widows, but applicable to anyone who’s suffered a loss of identity of any kind: after death, divorce, or unemployment.  Lissa and her mom conceived the idea after her father passed away a few years ago.  In the days prior, she had given birth to her first child and buried a beloved pet.  Yowza.  Talk about emotional overload.    

Here is an excerpt from her blog about the workshop   . . .

 . . . .It’s Okay To Feel Rootless

“There’s a reason we’re not leading this workshop for widows who have just lost someone.  Some time has passed for them.  When the wounds are fresh, it’s almost impossible to Own Joy.  You feel like a nobody in nowhereland on a path to nothing with nobody.  And that’s okay. That’s how you’re supposed to feel when you’ve lost your whole sense of who you are.  Don’t judge yourself, attempt to fast-forward the process, or skip this important step.  This nothingness is fertile ground for what lies ahead for you- rebirth.” 

Pretty good stuff, huh? These words really resonated with me as I went through all of these phases - and in fact, are still going through some of them.  It helped to read her words, and the words of some of the other women who have sludged through so much muck, I almost feel guilty about what I considered to be my own hardships/setbacks.  As you can tell from the tagline of this site, I really believe that camaraderie is what gets us through the tough times.  You can journal yourself into oblivion and open up your chakras all you want, but I stand by the fact that NOTHING beats being able to talk about stuff with other people who have been where you are.  It’s not wallowing, it’s relating.  And without the ability to relate to one another, we have no real basis for transformative experiences.  So, if you are feelin’ what I’m saying, read the rest of her post.    

I like the idea of being okay with feeling rootless.  The loss of anything, even your sanity temporarily, can you make you feel rootlees.  Embracing it and using it to move on sounds like a good idea.  For the full post and link to Lisa’s site, go to Thathappenedtome.com

Vanessa Torres, president of Single Women Rule Los Angeles and publisher of ThatHappenedtoMe.com, chimes in this week with her review of the new book by the infamous Millionaire Matchmaker.

Patti Stanger's New Book, "Become Your Own Matchmaker"

I don’t know how many of you are fans of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker, but I’ve been watching since it debuted last year and I have to say, I’m hooked.  I don’t always agree with what she’s saying, but I have to admit I find Patti Stanger hilarious.  And more often than not, right, about how men view women and vice/versa.  So, it was with great curiosity that I wandered over to her book signing event this weekend at the Barnes and Noble at The Grove in Los Angeles to see what more she had to say about Mars, Venus, and this crazy thing we call love.   

(Note to B&N management: please make better signage so folks can actually find the author event in your three-story store).

After arriving about a half hour late and  blaming it on the traffic (which I’m sure was the God’s honest truth as it can take a half hour to go three blocks in this town during rush hour), Patti was still a high-energy and fully engaged hostess, prying questions out of the shy singles in the audience.  It was nice to see her interact “en vivo” as there is always loads of backstory to a person that’s never revealed in a weekly reality show.

I learned that Patti’s own romantic history is all over the map.  From single to engaged to single again, and now in a LTR with Mr. Good Guy.  She’s 47 (she looks great!) and isn’t afraid to announce it in this age-obsessed town, which I give her props for.  It also means that the treads are worn down on her tires a bit, so she knows from what she speaks.  She claims to have mastered the execution of matchmaking via her own grandiose missteps, which boosts her steet cred.  Despite being a matchmaker for years (first for other companies, and now running the super-successful Millionaire’s Club) she’s finally learned to take her own advice.

Here’s where it gets good; I bring you dating advice from the horse’s mouth:

1.  Men fall in love between their eyes, women between their ears.  Men look at us and fall in love with our beauty, our image.  Women like to be talked to, listened to.  We will fall for the guy that can do this the best.  Or at all.

2.  Most people reveal their true selves within the first three months of a relationship.  We  choose to ignore what we see/hear or think we can change it.  Listen to what he is saying, if it doesn’t match what you are looking for, call it quits.

3.  The majority of bachelors are Virgos.  Ladies, if you’re man is a Virgo, he’s gonna be a tough one to wrangle. And even if you do, you might be sorry.  (Patti is very into astrology and claims to be psychic.  She predicted that John Mayer was going to take Jen Aniston to the Oscars and then kick her to the curb.  How this applies to your life, I’m not sure, but keep in mind the info about Virgos). Read more »

**At SWR, we’re continuing the discourse on being single and childfree, for those who are. This post, written by Single Women Rule Los Angeles Founder, Vanessa Torres, is a response to a recent post by Terry, calling for opinions of women who were childfree and loving it.**

I am not really sure if I would describe myself as “child-free and loving it” because that implies that I spend a lot of time thinking about that status. And honestly, I don’t. I don’t have kids yet because I haven’t felt the urge. I am in my early 30s and really don’t have a strong desire to have kids. I am single now, but up until last year had been in a long and stable relationship. I was very much in love and still wasn’t dying to have kids. It sounded like it might be nice down the road, but I definitely wasn’t ready for that next step.

Now, I am a little further down the road and single. However, I found it funny that once my relationship status went from being “engaged” to “single” people’s sympathies tilted strongly towards the fact that I would now be a WOMEN IN MY 30’S WITH NO PROSPECT OF HAVING A BABY. Oh the horror! Even the shrink I went to said, yes, of course he understood my despair as I was now single with a loudly ticking clock. Personally, I was more concerned with the end of my relationship, than the shelf life of my eggs.

And unless you mean my alarm clock, there is no ticking I can hear. Yes, I am single now, but that’s not what keeps me from having a baby. Simply put, I just don’t feel like it. I have too many things I still want to do without having to worry about whether or not it’s good/appropriate/healthy for a child. I have dogs and that’s enough companionship and love and responsibility for me right now. It’s hard enough to keep them from drinking Drano.

It would never occur to me that my position is weird, except that people keep suggesting that it is. Personally, I am fine with it. One day, that could change and I will happily embrace that shift. Until then, this is me.

I’ll keep you posted…

Vanessa Torres is the founder of Single Women Rule Los Angeles, and publishes the blog ThatHappenedtoMe.com

Forget the New World Order, here at Single Women Rule, LLC, we’ve got our own plans for world domination and phase two is kicking off in luxurious Los Angeles, California.

We’re proud to introduce the Los Angeles Chapter of Single Women Rule, headed by journalist and blogger Ms. Vanessa Torres. Terry and I are pleased to have Vanessa on the team, and ask that you join us in welcoming her.  If you’re in the Los Angeles area, please let her know as well. You can email her at vanessa (at) singlewomenrule.com.

MEET SWR’s Los Angeles Chapter President, Vanessa Torres

SWR welcomes Vanessa Torres, President of the new SWR Los Angeles Chapter

A graduate of the University of Southern California, Vanessa Torres began her career as a journalist in Los Angeles. After writing for several national publications and contributing to various books and web projects, she was forced to reevaluate her life and career.

In 2007 Vanessa experienced her “aha!” moment while going through the aftermath of a broken engagement. The end of the relationship was devastating personally, but also introduced a slew of follow-up decisions she felt less than prepared to make. Not being able to find a place where women could get support from peers – and professionals – during these transitional times in life, she decided to create one.

www.ThatHappenedtoMe.com launched in October of 2008 with the support of a team of experts prepared to give women what they want and need – comforting! One of the main goals of the site is to encourage women to open up about this painful experience and share their stories in an effort to lessen the feelings of shame, rejection, isolation and depression that are so prevalent during a breakup. It’s also a place to share tips, coping strategies, and even a joke or two.

Since the launch Vanessa has been interviewed by several coaches and authors about her experiences. She regularly contributes to several blogs and will now be contributing to www.singlewomenrule.com as well. She is active in the social media community and also continues to work as a freelance writer and editor.

“I am thrilled to take what I’ve learned this past year and share it with the ladies of SWR. By leading the Los Angeles chapter of Single Women Rule, I hope to meet a whole new group of women who can inspire and teach each other. I am truly excited about the prospect of all that cumulutative power!”

A native New Yorker, Vanessa has been living and learning in Los Angeles for more than a decade.