Posts tagged: self-esteem

Whether you know it or not, you’re beautiful (really beautiful)

By Sarah Maria, Author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently.

 

How many times have you waited for something to change so that you could finally start feeling beautiful?

If you are like most women, the answer is “all the time.”

Here is the problem: most of us tend to live with the delusional belief that we somehow need to change in order to be beautiful. It usually sounds something like:

When I lose this extra weight, then I will be attractive.

If I can just get my abs a little more toned, then I can wear that bikini I love.

I feel so much better after I put on my make-up in the morning.

I looked much sexier before I had these wrinkles.

My hair looks drab and lifeless until I get it colored.

Unfortunately, we think these stories, these lies, that we have been taught are true. We believe that we somehow need to change who we are, how we look, and what we do in order to finally be sexy, attractive, and drop-dead gorgeous.

This is a lie — an erroneous, ubiquitous, and often painful lie. The truth of the matter is that you are inherently, unconditionally, and absolutely beautiful and lovable right now, without changing a single thing.

Fortunately, very fortunately, you can expose these lies and choose to no longer live under their spell. 

Ready to get started? Here are 6 simple and sure-fire ways to help you feel beautiful today:

1. Become Aware of What You Are Thinking

Simply become aware of the stories you are telling yourself so that you are no longer reacting on auto-pilot. Through awareness alone, you can begin to transmute your reality and transform lies into truth. Actively acknowledge that there is no inherent truth in the belief that you need to change something about yourself in order to be attractive. Consider that you can start feeling beautiful immediately, in this moment, without changing a single thing.

2. Set an Intention to See Beauty

Setting an intention is simple: intend to create a different reality for yourself. Here are some examples:

intend to experience my inherent beauty. Or: I intend to see my beauty and perfection at all times. Or: I intend to know I am inherently beautiful, lovable, and worthwhile.

Do you ever see your reflection in the mirror and grimace at your wrinkles, vowing to purchase the latest anti-wrinkle cream?
Set an intention to find beauty in your reflection.

Or when you undress, do you ever suck in your stomach, berating yourself for not yet losing those 5 extra pounds?
Set an intention to appreciate the body that you have right now.

Do you ever go shopping for clothes and wish you were a size (or more) smaller?
Set an intention to unconditionally accept your body.

Hopefully you get the idea; set an intention to see yourself through the eyes of beauty.

3. Take a “Meditation Moment”

Meditation is the mental equivalent of brushing your teeth. This means that it is an essential and indispensable daily activity designed to help rest and rejuvenate your body, cleanse your psyche, awaken your spirit, and help you live a life that you love.

Nourish yourself with instant meditation moments throughout the day.

Are you waiting at the bus stop on your way to work? Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to connect within.

Are you making dinner for the family? Take 30 seconds and focus on the sounds, smells, and sensations in your environment, letting them nourish your senses.

Are you in the shower, getting ready to start your day?

Turn your attention to the feeling of warm water cascading against you, gently caressing your body, and allow yourself to relax.


These meditation moments can happen anywhere, anytime — 30 to 60 seconds of closing your eyes and connecting within can make all the difference in the world.

4. Your Body is Your Best Friend

Your human body is your truest ally. Befriend it and it will serve you tirelessly.

Treat it as you would a dear friend:

Feed your body with healthy food, taking the time to give it proper nourishment.

Remember to exercise, and make it enjoyable. If the gym makes you cringe, opt for yoga, Pilates, dance, or good old walking. Anything to get your body moving will do wonders.

Relaxation is key. In our harried and hurried world, it is essential that you remember to relax and rejuvenate.

Instead of critiquing your body for not being enough of this and for being too much of that, offer it gratitude and appreciation for its unwavering support and devotion.

5. Create Meaningful Moments

Every day is filled with countless tasks and errands: going to work, talking with friends, picking up the kids, supporting your significant other, washing dishes, going to the gym, visiting the supermarket, shopping — on and one it goes. Remember that you can imbue each moment with meaning. It can be as simple as smiling at everyone you meet, reacting with compassion and love instead of anger, or making sure to tell your friends and loved ones how much you care about them.

6. You’re Smoking Hot, Inside Out

Remember, you were born beautiful. Believing that you are unattractive is a learned habit. You can unlearn it and discover the Joy, Peace, and Love that are your natural state and birthright!

So that is it — 6 Simple Steps. 6 simple steps to start feeling beautiful, right now, in this moment. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything to experience the Beauty that you already are. In fact, there is nothing you can do, say, or buy that will make you any more perfect, any more beautiful, or any more desirable than you are in this very moment. Simply know this, and you will revel in your true beauty.

©2009 Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently

Author Bio

Sarah Maria
 is the author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life. The book outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body and yourself. (Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, so that true and lasting healing can occur.) Click here to purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. To learn more about Sarah Maria and her work, you can visit her website at www.sarahmaria.com andwww.breakfreebeauty.com.

 

Is love a battlefield?

How hard to you have to fight for love?

If you listen to pop radio, you have to fight really, really hard for it. Right now, there’s a hit single describing love as a battlefield (not to be confused with Pat Benetar’s “Love is a Battlefield,” which was a huge hit way back when in the Eighties).

I’m always hearing songs sung by well-lit young women describing their pain in love, and these songs usually become giant hits. And it’s no wonder. They can be pretty catchy.

The problem is, a lot of other women listen to them and come to the conclusion that love equals pain. If we’re not feeling sad, if we’re not feeling the drama, then we can’t be in love.

Furthermore, a lot of us who are in bad relationships tell ourselves, “Hey, this is the way it’s supposed to be. Love is work.” This causes some women to put up with a lot of substandard behavior from the men they spend time with.

Please open yourself to the possibility that if you’re feeling bad or sad in a relationship more than 20% of the time, you may be in the wrong relationship. You could be with the wrong guy.

Love is not a battlefield. It’s supposed to be joyful, exciting, uplifting, full of mutual attraction, affection, consideration, and fun. (Does this mean you’ll never have a doubt or a disagreement? No, of course not, but if you’re crying more than you’re laughing, something is seriously wrong.)

Love is supposed to be you making a special someone’s happiness your priority. That person should be making your happiness his priority (that’s where the work comes in; sometimes somebody has to make a sacrifice, and and it shouldn’t always be the same somebody).

So, if you have a boyfriend, and that boyfriend often disappoints you, makes you feel less than special, and forces you to work for his affection and attention, you can do better.

Step back. Give yourself time to reconsider whether this person is someone who can make you happy in the long run.

Give yourself the gift of you. In other words, spend time with yourself. Care for yourself. Nurture yourself in the ways that are missing from your relationship. Allow yourself to be happy by yourself.

Decide whether it’s time to move on. Accept nothing less than a man who doesn’t expect you to settle for crumbs.

SWR Blog Crawl Day 5: Maryanne Comaroto on Dating Advice (Almost) Daily

Some of us make a career of being attracted to people who make us feel bad about ourselves. We’re just thrilled to get Maryanne Comaroto’s take (and advice) on this phenomenon at Dating Advice (Almost) Daily.

Take a look.

3 tips for attracting a (good) guy

Women who feel good about themselves attract better men.

Women who feel good about themselves attract better men.

Why is it that some women captivate men, even if they’re not particularly attractive? How can you captivate some men of your own? Here are three tips:

Like yourself. If you find yourself comparing yourself to models, celebrities, your best friend, or the woman who cleans your dog’s teeth, you don’t like yourself enough. If you think the way you look is more important than who you are, you do not like yourself enough.

Know this: Healthy, well-adjusted men are attracted to women who like themselves. Losers and abusers are attracted to women who don’t. (And women who don’t like themselves are very often attracted to losers and abusers!)

To facilitate the liking yourself process, repeat the following affirmation 30 times a day: “I love and approve of myself.”

Yes, you will feel silly, but keep it up for at least 30 days. Do not discount the importance of this
step: Once your inside world changes, your outside world will, too. (To discover how loving yourself can make profound changes in your life, check out You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Watch the movie. And then pick up the book on which the movie is based.)

You will attract — and be attracted to — better men.

Like men. If you believe that all the good men are taken, that they’re congenitally incapable of monogamy, that they all lie, you do not like men. What’s more, you don’t know a lot about them. Despite what you read in the tabloids, honest, loyal men who want lasting relationships do exist.

Stop watching TV shows about people who cheat on one another. Stop reading novels that perpetuate the myth that you need a man, but the good ones are all gone. Stop hanging out with other women who harp about their man disasters. In other words, cease allowing yourself to be brainwashed.

Treat every man you meet as a unique human being. Smile at him. Be interested in him instead of his material possessions. Drop preconceived notions, look him in the eye, and listen closely when he speaks. Some men will not be worth getting to know any better, but some of them definitely will. Find out who’s who.

Go where the men go. Here are a few ideas: Sports bars; adult ed courses in real estate investing, finance, or car repair; Toastmasters meetings; bookstores (especially cafe bookstores); and ski trips. Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Go fishing. (I personally know a well-heeled guy who married a woman he met while he was fishing.)

Get out of the house often. Become a friendly and familiar face. Don’t expect to meet anybody your first time out. Don’t expect to meet anybody your first five or 10 times out. It’s possible that you won’t even meet a guy, but you may meet somebody who’ll introduce you to the man of your dreams.

These tips may seem too easy to make a difference, but I assure you they will. But only if you use them.

Cosmo-Smosmo! Use Single Women Rule’s Dating Tips and he won’t know what hit him!

Cosmo-Smosmo! Single Women Rule's dating tips puts the ball in your court!

Cosmo-Smosmo! Single Women Rule's dating tips put the ball in your court.

God Bless Cosmopolitan Magazine. Hell-bent on helping the single gal land her man.

One article posted recently on Yahoo’s Dating site is by Christie Griffin: “Dating 101: How to be a Total Man-Magnet”.

So I thought it’d be fun if I took the liberty to uh - amend - these rules to a Single Women Rule liking.

Griffin / Cosmo says:
“Dating tip #1: Go out in groups of no bigger than three.Larger groups of girls are supertough (read: intimidating) to approach. Three is a good number because your two friends can keep each other company when a guy walks up to chat with you.”

SWR Dating Tip #1:
Go out in groups of at least six. Maybe sixteen.  Larger groups of women may intimidate men and you want to make sure you weed out the weak yellow-bellied ones - so the more of your girls the merrier. You don’t want a guy who’s going to prey on you like an injured wilderbeast that’s fallen behind the herd. If he’s ballsy enough to brave the front-line, then you best believe he can handle Aunt Erma at Thanksgiving dinner.

Okay there was no number two on the version of the article I read, so here’s my own: Repeat number 1. Read more »

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