SWR member Debby shared this post she found on Shine - “8 Reasons To Enjoy Your Single Status (For Now) by Erin Meanley.

As I’ve said before,I think the word “single” is problematic.  Women, especially, when they enter into a monogamous relationship have the all-too-eager tendency to forget they are still a single woman.  (If you’re in a relationship and confused by this, ask yourself, which box do I check on my taxes? Single or Married?) Now, I don’t mean still dating or treating your boo-boo like a stray dog with mange, but I do mean that you should continue to do the things that Meanley says can be enjoyed when you’re not in a relationship, like eating your own diet, traveling, or getting out of the house.

Meanley says:

1. Your diet is your diet.You can eat what you want and chow down precisely when you feel hungry. You do not have to wait for your man to come home from work. You can also watch the movies you want. This is a real plus for me. I watch lame Rom-Coms over and over.

2. You can do errands without the dead weight. I once had a roommate complain that she just wanted someone with whom to run errands on the weekends. I also had a boyfriend who begged me to stick around and watch while he cleaned his closet. Personally, I get antsy when I think I’m boring someone else. Also, I shop, run errands, and do chores much faster without a second voice chiming in.

I don’t know about you, but if I want to eat Ding Dongs and HoHos for dinner, well he better use his two hands and pop some tatter tots in the oven.  (Check out what Terry said about women getting stuck with the houseworkwhen they get married.) Being in a relationship does predispose you to doing “couple stuff” like Walmart runs, but you have to make a conscious effort to strike a balance and maintain your me time.  Meanley is urging women to take stock of the benefits of not being in a couple and at SWR we urge you to take it one step further.  Your sense of self, nor the independent activities you enjoy, should not dissolve because you’re in a relationship.  If your identity becomes bound up in being a couple, you are setting yourself up for a serious potential letdown when the relationship ends.  (And not to sound like Dr. Doom but everything ends, in some way, at some point.  Marriages after 50 years, someone dies.  People get divorced.  Let’s not disillusion ourselves.  Mothers who have wrapped their identity in being a mother, often feel lost when kids leave the nest.)

As time passes, I’m becoming more comfortable with the things that Meanley says “single” people enjoy and I challenge you, and myself, to continue to maintain your individuality and sense of solo purpose when you get on that train to couple city.

Turkeys, avian and human, abound.

You look forward to Thanksgiving, and then over dinner, some clod shouts at you from across the table:

“Are you ever going to get married?” or “Are you seeing someone?” or “How’s it going with What’s-His-Name? Is there a ring in your future?”

And you squirm in your seat, struggling for the right answer. Even though you yearn to get up and punch the interrogator in the nose, you take a deep breath. You’d hate to look bitter.

Because you’re not bitter. You’re lovely. You’re fun. You have things going on. You’re an asset to any dinner table. You, after all, are charming.

And you — probably unlike your interrogator, who holds court over his or her turkey smugly wrapped in an obnoxious Christmas sweater — have a life full of possibilities. Your options are open. You haven’t settled for the wrong man just because some clown decreed you must be married to be a fully functioning adult.

And you know the truth: A lot of married people aren’t happy. They did settle for the wrong person, for whatever reason (societal pressure, the desire to have kids).

You won’t be rushed. You’ll get married if and when the time is right.

The best response, then, to one of these questions is to smile charmingly and say, “Why do you ask?”

If your interrogator responds, “Well, you’re not getting any younger,” the proper response is to chuckle and say, “Well, neither are you.”

And be glad you had better taste than to wear a Christmas sweater to Thanksgiving dinner.

How hard to you have to fight for love?

If you listen to pop radio, you have to fight really, really hard for it. Right now, there’s a hit single describing love as a battlefield (not to be confused with Pat Benetar’s “Love is a Battlefield,” which was a huge hit way back when in the Eighties).

I’m always hearing songs sung by well-lit young women describing their pain in love, and these songs usually become giant hits. And it’s no wonder. They can be pretty catchy.

The problem is, a lot of other women listen to them and come to the conclusion that love equals pain. If we’re not feeling sad, if we’re not feeling the drama, then we can’t be in love.

Furthermore, a lot of us who are in bad relationships tell ourselves, “Hey, this is the way it’s supposed to be. Love is work.” This causes some women to put up with a lot of substandard behavior from the men they spend time with.

Please open yourself to the possibility that if you’re feeling bad or sad in a relationship more than 20% of the time, you may be in the wrong relationship. You could be with the wrong guy.

Love is not a battlefield. It’s supposed to be joyful, exciting, uplifting, full of mutual attraction, affection, consideration, and fun. (Does this mean you’ll never have a doubt or a disagreement? No, of course not, but if you’re crying more than you’re laughing, something is seriously wrong.)

Love is supposed to be you making a special someone’s happiness your priority. That person should be making your happiness his priority (that’s where the work comes in; sometimes somebody has to make a sacrifice, and and it shouldn’t always be the same somebody).

So, if you have a boyfriend, and that boyfriend often disappoints you, makes you feel less than special, and forces you to work for his affection and attention, you can do better.

Step back. Give yourself time to reconsider whether this person is someone who can make you happy in the long run.

Give yourself the gift of you. In other words, spend time with yourself. Care for yourself. Nurture yourself in the ways that are missing from your relationship. Allow yourself to be happy by yourself.

Decide whether it’s time to move on. Accept nothing less than a man who doesn’t expect you to settle for crumbs.