Photo: Kevin Winter/ Getty Images

Last night, Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman to take home an Academy Award for Best Director. (Really, it took this long for a woman to win Best Director? Anybody ever hear of Ida Lupino?)

Phyllida Lloyd, who directed the box-office hit Mamma Mia!, told Forbes of last year’s nominees,  “I find it staggering and rather depressing when you look at the Oscar list.” She said it wasn’t just about the “‘lack of female directors…the stories are all so male-driven, even with the independent films. It’s quite a bleak canvas.”

I’m with you, Lady.

With Bigelow we get a woman who directed a male-driven film, but I’m delighted she snagged the big kahuna. Maybe next year another woman will take it for making a film stocked with strong, funny, ambitious female characters.

In the meantime, check out Heather Havrilesky’s take on “the best Oscar night ever.”

If you believe what you hear from the media, you might think so.

The December issue of First cited studies claiming that if a married woman becomes ill, her husband is 80% more likely to cheat on her or leave her. It made me wonder: Has anyone thought to do a study on the percent age of wives who leave or cheat on sick husbands?

We’ve been told over and over that the planet is loaded with substandard men, but there are some lovely, loyal, loving ones out there, too, and I fear they’re overlooked. And when someone finally notices them, they’re dismissed as weird or too nice. They just don’t fit the stereotype.

Substandard men do exist, of course. I once knew a girl who cut off her father after learning he’d had an affair while her mother died. I don’t blame her. But women can be jerks, too. I knew a wife who indulged in a series of romances after her husband went blind. A good friend of mine (a guy) had a friend who cared for his wife while she battled cancer; she dumped him for another man shortly after she recovered.

The media (TV shows, tabloids like Star and Us) pump us with stories about women done wrong, but in my experience, females are just as likely to cheat or to mistreat a spouse. Men don’t have a monopoly on bad behavior.

It’s dangerous to think otherwise.  When we go about life believing that men are inherently less moral than we are, we lower our expectations. Some of us put up with the cheater because — what do you expect –men are hardwired to spread their seed wherever they can. We give the guy who walks out on his sick wife a pass because, well, he’s a guy. He’s not programmed to be a caregiver.

And then, others who want a relationship with a man avoid getting involved because they just can’t trust anyone with a Y chromosome (these are not the same women who are happily single and want to remain that way). Still others will get into a relationship with a guy and sabotage it to sideswipe disappointment.

I think it’s better to see men and women as people, to understand that some of us are capable and willing of treating others as we’d treat them, and to proceed accordingly.

Will the guy you’re dating run out on you if you become sick? It’s an excellent question and bears thinking about (because how many women rush into marriage without even discussing whether they and the bridegroom are even on the same page when it comes to having kids?).

Before you put your life in a man’s hands, get to know him.

See how he treats people, particularly elderly people.

Is he patient with them? Is he kind to them? If he’s got a grandfather in a nursing home, does he make time to visit him, or is he “too busy?” At family gatherings, does he help the old aunt to the table, or does he trip over her like a piece of furniture? Does he visit sick friends in the hospital, or does he shake his head and say, “That’s too bad,” and log on to Facebook.

Don’t get caught up in studies and statistics. Men tell you if they’re worth your time. They tell you exactly who they are.

Are you listening?

ABC's Courteney Cox.

Has anyone watched Desperate Housewives lately?

Man, is it boring.

In case you’re out of the loop, Lynette is pregnant and doesn’t want anyone to know, but she used her hormonally-enlarged breasts to influence men at a business dinner. Bree is having an affair with a serial adulterer, who has asked her, lucky girl, to marry him. Gabby competes with her husband’s niece to be the hottest female at the dinner table. Susan marries Mike, leaving poor jilted single loser Katherine to go slowly insane.

Contrast DH’s desperate (and sleep inducing) storylines with those featuring unmarried characters on more interesting TV shows. I’m talking about 30 Rock (Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy), The New Adventures of Old Christine (all the leads are single), and the hilarious Cougar Town, in which newly divorced Jules Cobb (Courteney Cox) chastises a middle-aged male neighbor for dating people half his age, and then goes out and does the same thing. (Meanwhile, her best friend, burdened by a nerdy husband and a needy kid, is left to live through her vicariously.)

If you haven’t checked out NBC’s new hits Community and Parks and Recreation, please do. They’re smart, funny, and loaded with single characters who have more on their minds than looking hot and landing a man.

You have a life, so set the DVR, my friend.

I love scarves, but I’m a one-trick pony when it comes to tying them.  Maybe these tips from Jill Martin will help:

MSNBc’s Dylan Ratigan and filmmaker Michael Moore have something to say about it.

What do you have to say about it? We want to know.

Last night, David Letterman revealed he was blackmailed by a CBS producer who knew he’d had sex with staffers from his show. My first reaction to the sex part was, “Big deal.” I mean, I’ve worked in places where even married coworkers had affairs. It wouldn’t be my thing, but I understand that some people do it.

But other people (and more than a few of them are men) feel that Letterman exploited the women who worked for him (Late Night With David Letterman is his show, of course, and he is the boss).

What’s your feeling? If you haven’t already seen the clip from last night’s show, it’s a bit — well, I’ll let you see for yourself. Check it out and let us know what you think.

This flyer was submitted to us by a production company.  We  checked out the folks and they’ve had their hands in shows like Running in Heels on the Style Network, and This American Life on Showtime.

Good luck!

Do you have an inner fashionista inside that wants to come out?

Are you a fashion victim trying to keep up with the times?

An overworked mom whose style needs an update?

Do you dream of a new look and a new you?

Are you ready to make that dream a reality?

Major Cable Television Network, currently casting their brand new makeover show, is looking for you!

Now is your chance to reinvent yourself! We are looking for women (ages 18 to 40) who are in need of a makeover.

Whether you are tired of your old look or just looking to understand what looks best on you or just confused on how you can make the best impression possible.

This light hearted and fun makeover show will teach you the skills you need to turn heads and make your confidence soar.

If you or someone you know is in desperate need of this opportunity please send 3 recent pictures of yourself or the nominee, contact information, along with a brief email to:

NYCMakeOverShow@Gmail.com

Tell us why you’re unhappy with your current look and what has kept you from changing it.

I don’t have strong feelings about the occasionally seemingly disoriented American Idol judge, Paula Abdul, but I know one thing: She got people talking. While much of the audience tuned in simply to watch a singing competition, a segment watched the show simply to see what nutty thing she might come out with. And, then, the woman has a major fan base that’s followed her throughout a long career as a singer, dancer, and choreographer.

If AI producers were  to lose Paula’s colleague, Randy Jackson, I wouldn’t notice. If they replaced emcee Ryan Seacrest with, say, Lorenzo Lamas, I probably wouldn’t care. But if Paula were to disappear, I’d say, “Hey, something’s very wrong around here.”

Who wouldn’t?

Sadly, due to producers refusal to meet Paula’s salary expectations (notice I say “expectations,” instead of “demands,” which would wrongly suggest she’s a prima donna), she has chosen not to return to American Idol next season. Turns out Ryan’s new contract gives him about 15 million a year, Simon makes a good deal more than that, while Paula pulls in a mere two million (nobody’s talking about what Randy makes). Paula asked for a more equitable 12 million. Producers told her no.

So I’m telling them no by not tuning in next season. Apparently, I won’t be alone in this. According to a report on Today this morning, many Abdul fans will protest by tuning out American Idol.

The bottom line: Pay the woman fairly.

To hammer it home, Ramin Setoodeh of Newsweek listed 7 reasons why American Idol needs Paula.

Carson Kressley. Photo www.carsonkressley.com

Last summer, self-proclaimed Queen of All Media Wendy Williams had a pilot run of a daily talk show. 

Carson Kressley (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy; How to Look Good Naked) was a guest on the show, and had a sort of love connection with a man in the audience.

It went like this:
The man asked a question.  Carson said he was cute. 

Fast forward to this week’s national debut of the first season of the Wendy Williams Show.

Today, Carson was back on Wendy’s show and gave a recap of the incident.

Carson’s publicist had got his number. They went on a date to a Thai restaurant.

Carson says, he suspected the guy wasn’t too into him, because he said things like “Oh my mother’s a big fan of yours.”

The date ended and the guy never called.  Carson admitted to calling him a few times before he gave up.

Carson moved on to a new relationship with a real estate guy he’s been dating for about six months.

If you meet someone and they do “the ole’ date and ditch”, don’t take it to heart.

Though it would be nice if folks would have the guts to tell you, look, I’m not interested, most of the time they don’t.

If Carson, who is of significant celebrity status, can get dissed, pick up his celebrity pride and move on, we should too.

Last season, Desperate Housewives, bugged me.

First, there was that wacky voiceover from dead Wisteria Lane resident, Mary Alice Young, admonishing viewers that polite people are wolves in sheep’s clothing, while rude people have our best interests at heart.

Which irked me. I mean, what are you teaching my kids? (And, no, I’m not going to forbid my adolescent children from seeing shows they’re just going to hear about from their friends, anyway. If I allow them to join me in watching Desperate Housewives and other media that promote messages I deem inappropriate, i.e., Fergie videos, I can counter with some messages of my own.)

I mean, the occasional smooth-talking slime notwithstanding, most people are polite precisely because they care about other people. They make a special effort because they do have their best interests at heart. On the other hand, rude people don’t care much about other people’s feelings at all.

Desperate Housewives’ storylines last season disappointed me, as well. Dana Delany’s character, Catherine, fought tooth and nail to get Mike, Teri Hatcher’s character’s castoff, to marry her, even though Catherine isn’t sure if he even loves her. She wheedled and connived, eventually wrenching the proposal from the guy like a sore tooth.

You’d think the woman would be happier on her own.

But the message of Desperate Housewives sounds loud and clear: “Women are better off with a man and should do whatever it takes to get one.” Hey, to be fair, maybe writers don’t intend to impart that message. Maybe it just makes for good drama.

But fresher, smarter, more original ways to create good drama surely exist.

My daughters, who are 14 and 13, complain that Desperate Housewives has become “stupid” and “boring.” The nonsense of Marcia Cross’s Bree emasculating her husband, Orson, with her success is lost on them: Don’t husbands like it when the women they love achieve their dreams?

Next season doesn’t look to shape up any better. As Teri Hatcher told the women of The View this morning, her character’s ex, Mike, will marry “Catherine or Susan, not Gabby or Bree or some other whore.”

Referring again to the rivals for Mike’s affection, she said, “One of the characters gets married, and one of them has a nervous breakdown.”

Sounds like another season of entertainment at its finest.

That’s the question one of the age 20-something fellows posed after being introduced to 40-year-old Stacey, the prize in TV Land’s new ‘reality’ show, The Cougar (in case you hadn’t heard, and I don’t know anyone who actually has, an Australian kiss is “like a French kiss but down under”).

Stacey demurred.

As in the original Cougar matchmaking ‘reality’ show, Rock of Love with Bret Michaels, the prize must choose among a group of would-be partners. Stacey prefers to date younger men because “they have a passion for life,” she says older men don’t possess. For the most part, the guys in this group are attractive but bland, and while I agree it’s just fine for an older woman to date a younger man, I’m not sure I would ever choose to date specifically from one age group. Good things can be found in different packages.

While the contestants on The Cougar are certainly better dressed than those on Rock of Love with Mr. Let-Me-Swab-My-Tongue-Around-Each-and-Every-One-of-Your-Throats, the elimination phase is similar. Already Stacey seems to have made a questionable choice in keeping around a 29-year-old Marine who refers to a former 42-year-old girlfriend as a GILF, and a police officer who told her, “You retain the right to remain delicious.”

Ick.

Will I tune in again next week? If I buy the lie I’m telling myself about doing sociological research, I probably will. Anyway, it’ll be interesting to see if Stacey is compelled to sleep with the guys she plans to eliminate the way Bret Michaels enjoys doing on Rock of Love. 

If you missed the premiere of The Cougar, you can catch it online here. Or check TV Land’s website for the schedule. They’re repeating it all week.

While I still dislike the term Cougar to describe an older woman who dates an younger man, I’m interested to check out this new reality show from TV Land when it debuts tonight at 10PM.

Marriage is not about love.  Or, is it?

After reading this recent Reuters article by James Hibberd, I must say I’m a bit confused, thanks to the upcoming TV shenanigans of CBS.

Hibberd says CBS’ latest upcoming project, is a reality show/documentary tentatively titled “Arranged Marriage”.

The show follows four adults, ages 25-45, whose spouses are selected for them by friends and family. The couples legally marry and cameras are right there, as they begin to live their new lives, for our viewing pleasure.

Though arranged marriages are common in many Eastern cultures, I don’t know how this is going to fly in America, land-of-the-inalienable-rights-have-it-your-way-Whopper.

For me the series raises the question, what is marriage really about? Read more »