Stop settling for lame love
Have you ever said to yourself about a man you’re dating, “Things would be so great between us if only…?”
The ‘if onlys’ may include:
-If only he didn’t have that temper
-If only he put me ahead of his friends
-If only he called when he said he would
-If only I could trust him
-If only he didn’t drink himself to oblivion three nights a week.
If you’re in love with a guy, and you keep saying, ‘If only,’ I’d like to submit that you’ve fallen for his POTENTIAL and not his REALITY.
For example, I once fell in love with a gifted concert pianist. His teachers told him that he had such potential that he could one day be among ‘the’ composers of the 21st Century. On top of that, he could be funny, he was incredibly intelligent, and he could be extremely loving and gentle.
But he often went for periods when he’d brood about his classmates’ musical successes, about why they were achieving recognition when they clearly didn’t possess his talent.
And he usually took his frustration out on me: He wouldn’t show up when he was supposed to, he was verbally abusive (insulted my clothes, my attempts at writing and singing), and he was emotionally abusive (would openly flirt with other women when we were in public, etc).
I would cry and say, ‘If only ….’
And afterwards, when he got around to it, he would make things up to me.
It’s those times when a guy ‘makes it up’ that you’re most vulnerable. You drop the hurt and anger, and you’re ready to be reeled in for more of his nonsense. You see a glimmer of the relationship that could be–the perfect relationship that seems just beyond your grasp– and YOU ARE HOOKED!
But, once again, you’ve fallen for POTENTIAL over REALITY.
If a guy has hurt you, ask yourself if his behavior is an isolated incident, or if you’ve merely fallen for a guy with a lot of potential but not much else. Ask yourself if you’re ready to enjoy the pleasures of going solo until the man who wants to be the best he can be shows up — and lets you know he loves you and never lets you forget it.
It’s great when you depend on only yourself for your happiness. It frees you to make room for the guy who’s ready and willing to add to that happiness. It gives you the confidence to walk away from the guy who just isn’t.
A few ideas …..
By calling it potential you may be making a lot of assumptions …….. potential means
“inherent capacity” …….
Many people don’t have the capacity to change because often what a woman sees is what she WANTS to see in a man, not what he is really capable of doing. If a man is hard-wired neurologically to be a certain way, then it will be near-impossible to change him.
Plus ……… I think humans do a LOT of “if only” thinking in their WHOLE life …….
If only ……. I had more time, then I’d go walking each day.
If only ……. I had more time in the morning I’d make myself a sandwich and save more money
If only ……. I was better looking, then I’d have no trouble finding myself a date.
If only …….. I was in a better job then I’d feel better about myself …….
Know what I mean?
I think that a lot of people do this about themselves so why not about others??