Become Your Own Matchmaker: Finding Love with Patti Stanger

Vanessa Torres, president of Single Women Rule Los Angeles and publisher of ThatHappenedtoMe.com, chimes in this week with her review of the new book by the infamous Millionaire Matchmaker.

I don’t know how many of you are fans of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker, but I’ve been watching since it debuted last year and I have to say, I’m hooked.  I don’t always agree with what she’s saying, but I have to admit I find Patti Stanger hilarious.  And more often than not, right, about how men view women and vice/versa.  So, it was with great curiosity that I wandered over to her book signing event this weekend at the Barnes and Noble at The Grove in Los Angeles to see what more she had to say about Mars, Venus, and this crazy thing we call love.   

(Note to B&N management: please make better signage so folks can actually find the author event in your three-story store).

After arriving about a half hour late and  blaming it on the traffic (which I’m sure was the God’s honest truth as it can take a half hour to go three blocks in this town during rush hour), Patti was still a high-energy and fully engaged hostess, prying questions out of the shy singles in the audience.  It was nice to see her interact “en vivo” as there is always loads of backstory to a person that’s never revealed in a weekly reality show.

I learned that Patti’s own romantic history is all over the map.  From single to engaged to single again, and now in a LTR with Mr. Good Guy.  She’s 47 (she looks great!) and isn’t afraid to announce it in this age-obsessed town, which I give her props for.  It also means that the treads are worn down on her tires a bit, so she knows from what she speaks.  She claims to have mastered the execution of matchmaking via her own grandiose missteps, which boosts her steet cred.  Despite being a matchmaker for years (first for other companies, and now running the super-successful Millionaire’s Club) she’s finally learned to take her own advice.

Here’s where it gets good; I bring you dating advice from the horse’s mouth:

1.  Men fall in love between their eyes, women between their ears.  Men look at us and fall in love with our beauty, our image.  Women like to be talked to, listened to.  We will fall for the guy that can do this the best.  Or at all.

2.  Most people reveal their true selves within the first three months of a relationship.  We  choose to ignore what we see/hear or think we can change it.  Listen to what he is saying, if it doesn’t match what you are looking for, call it quits.

3.  The majority of bachelors are Virgos.  Ladies, if you’re man is a Virgo, he’s gonna be a tough one to wrangle. And even if you do, you might be sorry.  (Patti is very into astrology and claims to be psychic.  She predicted that John Mayer was going to take Jen Aniston to the Oscars and then kick her to the curb.  How this applies to your life, I’m not sure, but keep in mind the info about Virgos).

4.  File under a big duh: Los Angeles is THE. WORST. PLACE. TO. DATE.  However, if you are trying to find love there, she mentions some alternatives: a quick trip up to Silicon Valley might just do the trick.  “Ever see a cute female programmer? “  The answer is no.  Get thee up to SV where the guys are hankering for a girl who shaves her ‘pits.  Also noted: the Van Nuys Airport is a great place to meet men.  Rich guys getting off their private planes.  Doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation.

5.  Eat out alone.  Dining alone in a fancy hotel no longer implies that you’re a prostititute.  Men feel much more comfortable approaching an interesting looking women sitting by herself as there is no chance of being shot down/made fun of by her bitchy friends.  (Yikes, do we really practice this form of group-sabotage?)  One night a week, go out by yourself for a nice dinner.  Bring a book so that you don’t have to stare at the wall and give him something to ask you about. 

6.  You won’t meet someone until you get happy.  Seriously.  If you are a mopey mess, you will be less attractive to a man than a sale at Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Get comfortable with yourself.  Laugh a little.  Have fun.  They will start showing up.  (I personally can attest to this – once you decide you’re cool on your own, it’s like a navy ship just docked in your front yard).  If you can’t do this on your own, get some therapy.

7.  Why Millionaires?  Patti insists it’s less about how much money is in their bank account and simply asserts it’s a quality of life issue.  A guy with money just sweetens the pot.  Life (and love) is hard enough; if you know that you’ll be able to afford a nanny and take a vacation here and there, you’re automatically eliminating a certain amount of stress.  Plus (if you’re the type that cares), it shows he’s got a certain level of ambition and a strong work ethic.  HOWEVER, she does not say that his net worth should preclude acceptance of any damning characteristics.  DO NOT OVERLOOK any deal-breaking traits just because he can buy you some Gucci shoes.  In this economy we ALL have to work. 

She railed on Rihanna, mentioned how much she loves the gays (she is starting to host events exclusively for the gay community) and introduced her SigOther, Andy.  I enjoyed this little chat with the self-proclaimed advice maven and even bought a copy of her book, ”Become You’re Own Matchmaker: Eight Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.”  

So my advice to you: buy the book and bring it to a steakhouse in Silicon Valley to read.  Alone.