Attack of the cyberstalker
Owning up to your feelings can prevent cyberstalking.
I’ve decided that MySpace, Facebook, and Tagged are not social networks – they’re anti-social networks, and have been and will be responsible for the demise of many good potential friendships or relationships and the deterioration of the mental sanity of otherwise common-sense laden folks. And don’t get me started on text messaging, a form of communication slightly more advanced than the smoke signal.
So, I’ve been casually seeing a guy for several months. After some self-reflection, I realized my feelings for him kicked up a notch but I didn’t want to admit it to myself, so I internalized and ignored. But what goes in, must come out, and it came out as a first-degree cyberstalk.
I found myself visiting his profile pages a couple times a day, wondering why he’s logged into his page and hasn’t called me. Did he delete me from his friends list on purpose or was it a trick to see if I’d notice? Who are those girls leaving comments on his page or wall? And what’s the number of times you should text someone in a three day period? Then there’s that whole well what if they didn’t get the text thing . . . do you follow with a call or will that make you look crazy?
The cyberstalking went on for a few days before I began to get angry (yes, at him) and frustrated with relationships, dating and myself. I woke up in a funk the next day swearing him off altogether.
New tools like social networking sites and text messaging can and never will take the place of real live socializing. There’s too much room for error and miscommunication that can arise from our fears and insecurities. If I had pulled my head out of otherwise dark crevices and owned up to my feelings and decided to have an old-fashioned conversation with the man, I might have avoided wasting precious internet energy going through his friends list.
Or, maybe “he’s just not that into me” and I’m trying to cover up the potential rejection by overcompensating for what I perceived as his lack of communication efforts.
Either way, in life and love, acknowledging and dealing with our true feelings will eliminate many needless bouts with anger and frustration. Taking a step back and examining our actions (and being woman enough to own up to our insecurities as the occasional driving force) is the first step in changing our thought process to attract better relationships and avoid needless arguments and altercations that really have nothing to do with the action, or inaction, of anyone else but ourselves.
And at the least, it may make you think twice before you decide to cyberstalk.
OMG – this is so damned true; except I was on the receiving end of the cyber-stalking (this just all just came to a head this past Monday which makes this article oh-so pertinent) and it has permanently severed whatever friendship I had with ‘Person X’ (we’ll call him). Ugh. We need to do lunch soon. =]
…and will you still continue this blog when you’re un-single? Or, will you pass the baton? And, what do you think of the Single Trannies, I mean, Single Ladies song? I didn’t like it, then it grew on me…now it’s like gangrene or the gout and I despise its existence.
You write with such honestly, thank you.
I am neither on either end, now; but, I think we can all relate to using too much of our precious energy and time, wasting it away on an “infatuation”.
I have been guilty of cyber stalking too. It’s bonkers and I know it stems from insecurity. Now I handle communicating with dates by the good old fashioned methods of phone, or face to face meetings. It has actually freed me up to get on with my life, and not spend all my time wondering what ‘he’s’ doing, why he hasn’t contacted me etc etc. I feel a lot happier too.
Thanks for your comments, Vicky, Maza and Marguerite!
Maza – lol @ un-single – well by a Single Women Rule definition that would be married, because we know even if you have a boyfriend, you’re still single . . . as for continuing the blog – there will aaaaallllllwaaays be single women who can relate to our message, so I’m going to ride it until the wheels fall off!
Beyonce’s song is very true of most dead-end long-term relationships!
Vicky – I’m glad I’m not the only one! lol.
Thanks Marguerite – I’ll do my best to remain honest so we can expose the ugly little traps we fall into.
Here, Here Keysha! What an epiphany! I don’t know who couldn’t relate to this article because everyone has been there…thank I God I got me some Deodorant for the Soul and now I Don’t Sweat Anybody Any Mo!!!! You’re absolutely right… It takes up way to much precious time and energy…the bottom line is…if they are for you then they will let you know..if they are not for you…then they will show you! We just have to learn how to believe what we see! But the bottom line is we waste entirely too much time looking and worrying about finding the “right one,” when instead we should be using that time and energy becoming the “right one.”
AhhhIluvit!!!!!
Lisa-Lis