Cosmo-Smosmo! Use Single Women Rule’s Dating Tips and he won’t know what hit him!
Cosmo-Smosmo! Single Women Rule's dating tips put the ball in your court.
God Bless Cosmopolitan Magazine. Hell-bent on helping the single gal land her man.
One article posted recently on Yahoo’s Dating site is by Christie Griffin: “Dating 101: How to be a Total Man-Magnet”.
So I thought it’d be fun if I took the liberty to uh - amend - these rules to a Single Women Rule liking.
Griffin / Cosmo says:
“Dating tip #1: Go out in groups of no bigger than three.Larger groups of girls are supertough (read: intimidating) to approach. Three is a good number because your two friends can keep each other company when a guy walks up to chat with you.”
SWR Dating Tip #1:
Go out in groups of at least six. Maybe sixteen. Larger groups of women may intimidate men and you want to make sure you weed out the weak yellow-bellied ones - so the more of your girls the merrier. You don’t want a guy who’s going to prey on you like an injured wilderbeast that’s fallen behind the herd. If he’s ballsy enough to brave the front-line, then you best believe he can handle Aunt Erma at Thanksgiving dinner.
Okay there was no number two on the version of the article I read, so here’s my own: Repeat number 1.
Griffin / Cosmo says:
“Dating tip #3: Smile genuinely. So obvious, right? But I can’t stress it enough — and I can’t believe I ever acted aloof in an attempt to seem more cool. Now I know that women smile all the time naturally (when we’re nervous, when we’re trying to be polite, etc.), so if you don’t do it at all, you look unapproachable.”
SWR Dating Tip #3: Snarl. Squint your eyes and utter a guttural growl. If he doesn’t yelp and run back to the cave, and you find his man-sight pleasing, lick your lips five times and clap once. Men like it when you act excited to see them.
“Dating tip #4: Work the eye contact. To reel him in from across the room, tilt your chin down a bit and flash him a couple of sultry glances. (Guys love it when you look up at them — it makes them feel manly.) If the guy across the room is so gorgeous you have a hard time looking straight at him and are simply too nervous, fake it by focusing on the tiny area right between his eyes. He won’t be able to tell the difference.”
SWR Dating Tip #4: Work the eye contact. To reel him in, stare him down with a wide-eyed what’d you say about my momma stare for at least five minutes. (The key is not to blink to get maximum eye contact.) Once you have his attention cover your eyes with your hands and play a coy game of peek-a-boo. (Guys love it when you play hard to get.)
And Lord Be, if the guy across the room is too gorgeous you can’t look him in the eye, imagine what being with him on a regular basis would do for your self-esteem! Nothing says loving like a big ol’ cup of you’re-so-fine-why-are-you-with-me in the morning. (Not to mention the free pass you’ll give him for doing super ignoramus stuff just because you’re happy such a fine guy chose you. And don’t forget you never know if he’s lying because you can’t look him in the eye.)
But if you still gotta have him, you can fake it by focusing on the big zit right between his eyes. He won’t be able to tell the difference, unless of course, your eyes start to cross and you pass out.
“Dating tip #5: Don’t immediately ask him what he does. Some men think all women are gold diggers. A lot of my clients hated being asked what their job is. It’s that fear-of-being-used thing again.”
SWR Dating Tip #5: Immediately ask him what he doesn’t do. Ramble off a list of things including drug dealer, pimp, white-collar criminal, pathological liar, and priest of Satan to get things started. He’ll get so tired of it, he’ll come out and say what he really does, then you don’t have to ask! For us, it’s that fear of dating the “music producer” who actually lives in his momma’s basement with a Casio keyboard and Sony tapedeck thing again. Yes, a tapedeck.
“Dating tip #6: Make positive small talk. Once I started studying other women, I couldn’t believe how negative some of us appear. When you’re out on the town, you’re supposed to be having fun, and any complaint (”It’s hot in here!”), pessimism (”There will definitely be another terrorist attack”), or snarky quip (”Look at that chick’s belt — so 2002!”) pretty much pokes a hole in the fun-girl aura you should be projecting. Some better small-talk topics: recent vacations, favorite bands, hilarious movies. You can hit him with your deep, dark world-view some other time.”
Griffin’s got some merit to this one. No one wants to be around an ho-hum Eor (well, Eor did always have Pooh, but that’s not the point). If the negative talk is oozing out of you naturally that’s a problem! Following a rule to mentally edit is not going to solve the root issue: Why are you always blurting out the first negative thing? Why are you picking apart other women? Why are you pessimistic and stressed out?
Pretending to be positive only tricks him and yourself into thinking you’re someone you’re not.
At SWR, we want you to land a man, if that’s want you want, but we want you to get yourself right first. Yes, Griffin’s right: be positive and be genuine. But don’t do it to catch a man. Do it first for yourself.
Before long that natural positive energy will be all the man-magnet you need.
–Keysha Whitaker
Tags: christie griffin, cosmo articles, dating tips, how to be a man-magnet, how to be a total man-magnet, self-esteem
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By moody.bitch, November 19, 2008 @ 9:15 am
“you want to make sure you weed out the weak yellow-bellied ones”
I’ve been told I’m “too intimidating” to men, so this quote kinda sums up my feelings on that. If he’s too intimidated to talk to me, then I could probably walk all over him, and who wants a man she can walk all over?
By Keysha, November 19, 2008 @ 1:49 pm
Thanks Moody! No such thing as too intimidating. We don’t believe in dumbing ourselves down.
lol @ who wants a man she can walk all over.
So true . . .
By Ahman Bishart, November 19, 2008 @ 4:11 pm
Your title - Single Women Rule, LLC » Cosmo-Smosmo! Use Single Women Rule’s Dating Tips and he won’t know what hit him! - caught my eye on the technorati feed page. Tahnks for writing this, I’ve added http://www.singlewomenrule.comto my reader, and will look forward to your next post.
By Sharon, November 20, 2008 @ 9:00 am
I am so in agreement with you regarding the positive energy permeating through everything you do. When you change your thoughts to allow only the positive ones to dwell, your movements, and attitude changes. This alone will serve as a magnet for all that is good - including men.
By Cathy HT, November 21, 2008 @ 4:35 am
When you feel out of sorts, it’s best to get yourself into a different frame of mind. Sometimes, you need rest, friends, a good tonic and fresh air before you’ll be buzzing on a night out. (Particularly if you’ve recently had some ‘rejection’, or an emotional breakup. When you get yourself in the right frame of mind, you can throw away Almost all the rules and you’ll be both enjoying yourself and attracting everyone to you, female friends and male admirers. The One rule that is worth hanging onto: Don’t sleep with him on the first night!!! EVER.
By A, November 21, 2008 @ 6:08 am
These must be the stupidest comments I have read about this topic in a long time. Your misguided ‘advice’ will only lead to lives of eternal singledom for all those single women out there.
Specially with regards to rule 1- the only men who are game enough to approach a large group of women are either players - who have had plenty of practice or men who see women as a challenge. Good, decent men may not necessarily be the most outgoing. So unless you are a bunch of supermodels, girls should only go out in groups of no more than 3.
Happily coupled,
Ms A
By Terry, November 21, 2008 @ 11:04 am
Ms. A-
“Lives of eternal singledom?” You make it sound like hell. It isn’t, and that’s the point.
Glad you’re “happily coupled,” but many single women are happily single. Some choose to remain that way. Others don’t, but we’re all better off enjoying everything life has to offer on our own terms, with as many or as few friends as we please.
By A, November 22, 2008 @ 3:36 am
Terry,
I’m sorry to see that you have missed my point entirely. I was as happily single as I am happyily coupled.
However as the title of this blog is termed ‘the single women rules dating tips - I believe that’s what the majority of the readers are looking for.So the author has a responsibility to provide sound advice. For those that are genuinely looking, this advice is counter-productive.
By Keysha, November 22, 2008 @ 9:04 am
Dear Ms. A,
As the author of the article, I can see that you have missed the point of the piece entirely.
The title and article is a humorous satirical piece on what is in my opinion - “unsound advice” given by Cosmo. I obviously would not want any woman to snarl and clap in public (unless of course that makes her happy).
If you missed it, I did offer sound advice (as I see it) at the end of the article encouraging women to be genuine and positive as the ultimate rule for catching anything.
And that advice, and the piece, I stand by.
Thanks for reading!
–Keysha
By Ninna, January 22, 2009 @ 12:17 am
This article is awesome! It hits the right spots, the right way. My fave is SWR Dating Tip 3. I am on the opposite ends of the spectrum; I’m either too smiley or a total snob. Well, next time we go for drinks, I’ll be snarling and weeding out the “weak yellow-bellied ones”!