Wow.  What a week it turned out to be.

Last week started out as a run-of-the-mill busy week of professional obligations for me, but turned into a bizarre series of news “events,” stories of death, divorce and revolution.  At first, I felt merely like a witness to a string of unrelated events, but then I noticed a theme emerging, rather more than one, that struck me as particularly poignant.

Iran, upside down with political unrest, had citizen protesters gunned down indiscriminately by unnamed “security forces” after a questionable election process.  Emerging from the otherwise sad story of yet another oppressive dictatorship, was the story of the Women of Iran, for the first time being recognized as a powerful group of resilient members of that society, no longer willing to let their husbands and sons die in silence.  Suffering for years at the hands of their own government, they are refusing to be shuffled off quietly now, despite horrific political and religious constraints.  The murder of Neda Agha-Soltani at the hands of her own government has resonated with the world, who is treating the 26 year old student as a martyr, even dubbing her a modern day Joan of Arc.  CNN has aired several interviews with other women in and around the area of Tehran begging for global assistance as they fight for what we consider basic human and civil rights.

On a completely different note, came the Monday announcement that celebreality couple Jon & Kate Gosselin have officially filed for divorce.  Not exactly a surprise to anyone who owns a television set, but it still felt like the final nail in the coffin after the slow death of what was once an ordinary marriage between a young and promising couple.

Kate Gosselin issued this statement: “Over the course of this weekend, Jon’s activities have left me no choice but to file legal procedures in order to protect myself and our children.”  Her husband Jon remained characteristically mum, glibly commenting that he’s sorry if his actions have hurt his family, but that he remains dedicated to the health, happiness and well-being of his children. Read more »

I don’t remember my first memory of Michael Jackson.

I guess it’s kind of like taking your first breath, your first step, your first word.

There’s no memory of when you couldn’t do it. It just always was.

And so it is with Michael. For me, and many of us, there’s no memory of life without Michael. He just always was.

Around age four, I do remember telling my mom, as did almost every little girl I’d bet, that I was going to marry him.

She laughed at me. So I told her I was going to call him.

She laughed again. Until she came back in the living room several minutes later, and found me on the telephone with the operator requesting a California listing for Michael Jackson.

“Keysha Put Down the Phone!”

I remember laying on the living room floor flipping the big Off The Wall album cover over and over. Flipping the record.
Studying his picture. Listening to him.

I remember Thriller. Opening the album jacket. Wondering if that was HIS tiger that climbed on his leg.

I remember my mother consoling me when his hair caught on fire.
“Keysha he’s going to be okay.”

I remember Jackson 5 cartoons on Saturday mornings.

I remember.

I remember my Uncle Nate coming home with a huge portrait of Michael he bought for me. It was painted on what was some type of felt canvas, with textures, white gold, red glitter. . . It has hung in my room at home to this day.

I remember my Granny walking me to a corner record store to buy Bad on LP.

I remember playing it on the Hi-Fi when we got home.

I remember.

People don’t understand how impactful Michael was, to those of us who were given the pleasure to have known him, before the media knew him as fodder for their top-of-the-hours.

Beyond the musical genius, beyond the dance, beyond the style, beyond the philanthropism, beyond the eccentricities, Michael was a binding tie to people we will never see again, to places we will never go again, to who we were, to whom we became, and who we will become.

His lyrics, his voice, had a supernatural ability to reach you where you were, and bring you to where you needed to be. Whether you needed strength to fight, like I found in Beat It or Bad, or a reason to be a new person, like Man In The Mirror, you found it in Michael.

Today, my uncle’s gone. My grandmother’s gone.

Now, my Michael is gone too.

But I will always remember.

Sometimes I feel like texting, instant messaging and email are absolutely no good for dating.  I’ll admit I’ve fallen prey to the “I texted him three hours ago why hasn’t he responded monster.”  Not to mention my short bout with cyberstalking.

So I was happy when author Kimberly D. Neumann asked for my opinion on the subject for her great article on Match.com. 

Here’s a blurb from the section on social networking:

Photo: Match.com

Social networking (Facebook and Twitter)

 

No doubt “friend me” has become a part of our vernacular. But along with frequent status updates and photo tags comes a whole new wrinkle for the dating world. For example, at what point do you friend a date? Date one, date two, date three (or never)? And do you really want to know what’s going on in his or her FB world — especially if it doesn’t work out? This is a tricky one.

“Social-networking sites can breed unnecessary insecurity in relationships if you fall into the trap of trying to figure out what’s in a person’s heart by who said what on their wall,” says Keysha Whitaker, cofounder of SingleWomenRule.com. Not to mention that even if you are in a relationship, it can lead to major miscommunication!

“Of course you want to have your significant other on your ‘friends’ list, however, the site can still be an emotional minefield,” says Kirstin, 37, of New York. “When my boyfriend added a bunch of pictures of our trip to Paris together to his wall — but didn’t include any of the two of us together — I was livid! It was like he was trying to ‘play single’ online.” And another friend of Kirstin’s got in trouble with his girlfriend when a female friend posted on his wall that he could stay with her when he came to her hometown for a weekend.

Read the full article here.

It’s a theory former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino floated last week, that men are prone to cheating and women aren’t, so we should elect more women to office.

I disagree with Dana.

While I can think of many reasons why more women should be elected to office, a reluctance to
cheat isn’t one of them. I’ve read plenty of studies that show women are as just as likely to fall prey to extramarital temptation as men, especially since we started making our own money.

But forget studies. Here are some real life examples: I learned from a friend yesterday that her good friend, a woman, recently left her marriage because monogamy just doesn’t agree with her. A male acquaintance filed for divorce after coming home to find his wife in bed with another man. A good male friend broke off a 15-year relationship after he found out his girlfriend had been chronically unfaithful (he was faithful and has since married a woman who shares his commitment to fidelity). Two other friends, a married couple, had their world rocked when they learned that close friends were divorcing because the wife had been cheating.

So, while the media continually depict woman as victims of infidelity, men get hurt, too. Which makes me wonder: Why are we depicted as victims?

I should probably clarify that I don’t think infidelity is okay, whether it’s committed by a man or a woman. If it’s beyond you to be faithful, stay single. Single is good.

And I’m thrilled that Jenny Sanford, the most recent “victim” of a philandering elected official, bucked tradition and refused the hold her husband’s hand during a press conference in which he apologized for his affair with an Argentinian woman.

SWR Los Angeles founder Vanessa Torres launched her event series in June.  Here’s her post on the first Single Women Rule LA event, from her blog ThatHappenedtome.com

As you guys know, I am the LA Chapter president of SingleWomenRule.com.  What that means exactly, is that I host events for single women professionals in the area.  Tuesday was our launch event and I could not be happier with the way things went.  I invited a bunch of women who I had “met” previously through various channels - some at networking events, and some online - and invited them out to meet, share ideas and generally commiserate about what it’s like to be a working women in this town.  We not only found we had lots in common, but we were psyched to discover we all had complimentary interests and resources despite diverse professional backgrounds.  But most importantly, we were all willing to share our ideas and information.  Exactly the kind of environment I was hoping to create. 

After about 2 1/2 hours, the restaurant wanted to close, so we packed it up and promised to do it again next month.  I am so excited that I am already planning it.  So to those of you who came - thank you for driving out and making room in your busy schedules - and for those of you who couldn’t make it, we will see you next time.  There’s always room at the table at Single Women Rule.

I’ve been a fan of stand-up comic Carol Leifer fan for years, so I enjoyed her new book, When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win.

She writes:

“I see now that when you deny your age, you deny yourself, and when you lie about your age, you become your inauthentic twin. But most important, when you lie about your age, they win. (And of course by ‘they,’ I mean the terrorists).”

Leifer, who’s 53, describes the special thrill of seeing The Beatles perform at Shea Stadium and rightly maintains that if she shaved off a couple of years, she couldn’t share this memory. She’d have to erase major incidents in her life.

Leifer, who’s written for “Seinfeld” (and inspired Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ character, Elaine), “The Larry Sanders Show,” and “Saturday Night Live,” freely shares her opinions on myriad subjects:

• On technology: “I am overwhelmed by anything that involves a cord.”

• On motherhood: “Never put your baby’s length on a birth announcement. It’s a baby, not a marlin.”

• On collagen injections: “Your lips are not meant to be flotation devices for your face in case it capsizes.”

• On tattoos: “If you plan on having your lover’s name tattooed on your arm, always leave room before it for a possible ‘I Hate’ down the road.”

• On etiquette: “Never refer to a woman as ‘ma’am,’ even if she’s ninety years old. Nobody likes it.”

Leifer manages to write poignantly and humorously about getting older, her father’s death, adopting a newborn at 50, and the surprise of falling in love with a woman at 40. She also describes her disdain for bumper stickers and slow drivers (although she admits to becoming more patient with the latter after a cancer scare).

If you want a fun book to take to the beach or the airport, try When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win. In the meantime, check out Leifer’s dating tips for men:

A friend of mine got married last weekend. I’m very happy for her. Very happy. I’m saying this without a trace of cynicism or jealousy. She’s completely in love with the guy and he’s completely in love with her and I think they’ll be very happy together.

There is little part of me, though, that can’t help but see this as a defining moment in my life. She’s the last of my single girlfriends to get married. And she’s a few years younger than me.
It’s official. I’m the last single woman standing.

Now, unlike a lot of the woman I know, I’ve never been dying to get married. Never had baby fever. And I’m not particularly sorry that I probably won’t have a husband and a kid. Those were choices I made a long time ago and I’m cool with them. I don’t actually dislike my life as a single woman.
But not having any single girlfriends left does change things for me. Even if only subtly. I feel like a bit of a pariah. Like the one person who wasn’t invited to the ball.

I can already see the next few years turning in to one big awkward social situation. I’ll be the only single at the dinner parties. Except sometimes it’ll just be too awkward to have me around, so I won’t be invited at all. I’ll understand and won’t have any hard feelings about it, but it will be sad to see less of my friends.

And everyone I know will suddenly feel even more obligated to try and set me up. Which is sweet. And I usually don’t mind. Except for when they set me up with complete jerks. My worst date ever was a set up from a friend. Twenty times worse than any online dating experience I’ve ever had.

Anyway, I’m already embracing this new stage of my life. Not having a husband and kids has allowed me up to do so many amazing things in the last few years that I could never have if I was “tied down”. It’s my choice, and as far as I’m concerned I’m not alone, I’m free.

Simone Grant is the author of the blog, Sex, Lies & Dating in the City and a member of SingleWomenRule.com.

Psychologists say that a girl’s relationship with her father can determine her adult relationships with men. I’ve seen it happen again and again.

So, if the father’s loving or affectionate, a woman will be attracted to men who make her the center of their worlds. But if the father’s alive but absent (physically or emotionally), she may be attracted to men who make her work way too hard for their attention. She may be attracted to abusive men, indifferent men, or married men. She may be attracted to men who lie to her or continually disappoint her in little and big ways.

But a bad relationship with a father doesn’t have to destroy a woman’s chances for lasting love with a committed man. Therapy helps. Barring that, making conscious choices about the men she attracts –and is attracted to — definitely helps (this means doing seemingly boring things like listing the qualities of the men who hurt her and seeing in black and white how they compare to the qualities of her father, and then deciding to henceforth recognize those qualities in potential boyfriends and avoid them).

Visualization also helps (she can write an ideal scene between her and the perfect lover, including sensory detail –sight, sounds, smells, touch, taste–and read that scene and bring it to life in her imagination until she believes it’s not only possible but a foregone conclusion). There are some good books on this subject. I recommend Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain or, for a Christian approach, Positive Imaging by Norman Vincent Peale.

No woman should let a bad or non-existent relationship with her father stop her from attracting the love and happiness she deserves.

On our journey to revel in life’s magic and feel truly fulfilled, we have to remember that we won’t do much reveling if we’re feeling sick.

The article Five Foods for a Healthy Digestive System by Dr. Ben Kim might be a good start.

Dr. Kim writes:

The following is a list of five foods that contain an abundance of nutrients that can significantly improve the health of your digestive system and your ability to break down and absorb nutrients.

Red beets and beet greens

If you have a problem with constipation, red beets and their green tops should be a regular part of your diet. Both contain significant amounts of fibre that can help to keep waste materials moving through your small and large intestines at a healthy pace.

Red beets contain large amounts of potassium and magnesium, while beet greens are an excellent source of beta-carotene, iron, and calcium. All of these nutrients are directly or indirectly essential to maintaining the health of your digestive tract lining and the smooth muscle fibers that create the waves of contractions that produce bowel movements.

Read the full article here.

Ever play this game?

You say, “I got two hours’ sleep last night.”

And your friend says, “I only got one hour, and I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

According to The Wall Street Journal, the game’s called Misery Poker, and it’s more popular than ever.

Instead of sharing our misery, we seem to be using it as a competitive weapon. To score points, co-workers brag about their workloads. And couples brandish their stress to negotiate who will make dinner or give the kids a bath. Friends, too, sometimes complain just to get attention. And then there are those who use stress as a measure of success.”

The piece, by Elizabeth Bernstein, goes on to say that people who play Misery Poker aren’t doing themselves any favors. Instead of supporting one another, we’re alienating ourselves.

Between Blackberries and the economy, we’re all under stress. It’s time to play a better game than Misery Poker. It’s definitely time to be a better friend.

Read the full article on Misery Poker here.

This year, SingleWomenRule.com has partnered with The CT Wine and Food Festival to bring you a great money-saving offer! 

Buy one ticket / Get one free

Advance price of $25 per ticket for RSVP’s made before 5 PM on Friday, June 19.  To take advantage of this offer, submit your first and last name (which appears on your ID) by email to info(at)singlewomenrule.com or RSVP at our CT Meetup group.

All others who go to the Festival but aren’t on our guestlist receive the BOGO at regular price of $35 for one day, when you say “SingleWomenRule.com” at the door.

I would think this goes without saying, but men and women, married or unmarried, can take advantage of this offer!

The CT Wine and Food Festival takes place on Saturday, June 20 and Sunday, June 21 in Stamford, Connecticut.  The Festival raises funds to benefit the American Society for Scleroderma Research. 

 

Read more »

So last night I watched the CW’s new show Hitched or Ditched.

The CW says its:
“a one-hour reality show focusing on couples who are in long-term relationships but have not yet taken that big leap into marriage. Nominated by a friend who believes it’s either time for the couple to tie to the knot or break up, each episode features a different couple who accept their friend’s proposition to set a wedding date in one week’s time.

Throughout the week leading up to the big day, the couple is put through a series of personalized exercises that test their relationship, all while planning their dream wedding . . .  When the wedding day arrives, the couple will make the final decision - will they tie the knot or call the whole thing off?”

If by “personalized exercises” the producers mean that the maid of honor tells the groom to be that his wife was recently wooed by a high-school sweetheart, and then texts him during the bachelorette party, informing him of his nemesis’ presence, which leads to an all-out brawl and crying-fit, like in last night’s episode, they’re right on the money.  But I don’t think that’s an exercise any marriage and family therapist worth their salt would prescribe.

And if by “couple will make the final decision” do they mean the groom sweating at the altar when the bride fails to show after the violins have been playing her cue, until the two-faced maid of honor runs to comfort and retrieve her, then I guess that’s right as well.

Last night’s show featured Gabi, 24, and Jesse, 29.  Of course, there’s always a question of authenticity in reality shows where people have to make decisions that actually affect their off-tv reality.  But some decisions shouldn’t be made under duress, and I might be stretching it to say that marriage is one of them.  On the other hand, sometimes people do a great job of pulling the wool over their own eyes, and maybe some couples need an intervention.

Even though the bride managed to muddle through being “scared to death right now” when trying on her wedding dress, or “looking like a bride but not feeling like one” on the day of the wedding, she shows up and walks the aisle.  After Jesse professes his love, she launches into an ambiguos tirade about the events of the week, but then says, as she walked down the ailse and saw him standing there, she knew there was no other man for her.

*Blank Stare*

If I ever walk down anything, I’d had better know before I take that first step, that I want whatever the hell I’m walking towards.

Would I watch the show again?  Probably. 

Am I secretly wishing to see someone get “ditched”?  Definitely. 

Not because I’m unmarried and want the rest of the world to stay that way, but because what more better reality to witness than someone who doesn’t by into the hype of a big expensive day with fancy flowers and has enough courage and common sense to say, this person is not for me.

All right. I’ve had it. This morning, I saw yet another TV report that referred to Britain’s Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle as “the 48-year-old spinster.” Why don’t the lazy thinkers who write this crap just call her an old maid?

Like millions of other people around the globe, I have a soft spot for Susan. It’s not just because she’s a talent who’s been tweezed out of obscurity to live out her dream on the world stage. It’s not because she’s refreshingly unglamorous, a woman who’s devoted more time to perfecting her gift than to plucking her eyebrows (I kind of like those eyebrows, by the way). I think I’m smitten with Susan because she’s devoted so much of her life to caring for others (she’s a church volunteer who cared for her sick parents). There’s zero fame or money in that kind of work, but it’s the most important work. We need more men and woman like Susan Boyle.

Her time with her parents is over, and now she can realize her ambitions. But the media who pretend to adore her and her sudden success simultaneously sneer: “The 48-year-old spinster.” “The Hairy Angel.” “Never been kissed.” “Learning disabled.”

Ah, get over it, you jerks.

Media knuckleheads questioned her sanity when she wound up in a hospital after being hounded by their ilk every time she opened her door. Who wouldn’t lose it under that kind of scrutiny? If I made my living harrassing people for a living, I’d wonder if I, not Susan Boyle, had lost my mind.

According to Britain’s Got Talent judge Piers Morgan, Susan will record a CD by the end of the month. Some talking heads speculate she’ll donate the money she makes on it to charity, but I hope she’ll save enough cash to buy around-the-clock protection from media clowns. I’d like her to enjoy being Susan again, that Scottish woman known for always living on her own terms